Dealing With a Level 2 Aggressor

Dealing With a Level 2 Aggressor

http://www.spitzercenter.org/html/newsletter-archive/march-17/question-of-the-week-dealing-with-a-level-2-aggressor.php

Q: I’m trying my best to build a Level 3 culture in the group I manage, but there are other managers in my company who are very political and aggressive, including one who seems determined to damage my reputation. How do I “see the good in others,” when in this case, the other is attacking me behind my back? How do you deal with Level 2 people without becoming Level 2 yourself?



A: The challenge you point out is a really good one to understand, because it points to the distinction between protecting yourself, which is perfectly justifiable, versus crossing the line into vengeance and thinking, “I have to pay this guy back for doing me ill.”

The reason that retribution is so negative is that it makes forgiveness the path of least opportunity, when forgiveness is really the path of best opportunity. So what I try to do in these situations is help people see that forgiveness and self-protection complement each other. If you don’t protect yourself, you don’t have self respect, and if you don’t respect yourself, you’re not going to respect anyone else.

There’s something ingenious about Jesus’ phrasing when he said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It’s as if he’s presuming that you already love yourself and that it’s good to love yourself. It’s good as long as it doesn’t become an end in itself (and obviously, Jesus wouldn’t have said “Love your neighbor as yourself” if he thought self-love was an end in itself). In fact, you need to love yourself and protect yourself in order to love and protect your neighbor.

The best thing you can do for yourself and everyone else is to let go of stuff – even stuff that’s nasty and underhanded – and move on. The more you hold onto it, the more likely you are to cross the line into vengeance.
So why does forgiveness make sense for a business person?Because once you’ve taken the proper protective measures, the best thing you can do for yourself and everyone else is to let go of stuff – even stuff that’s nasty and underhanded – and move on. The more you hold onto it, the more likely you are to cross the line into vengeance. And once you do that, you’ll start to seek ways to justify it. You’ll start creating myths and altering the story ever so slightly to convince yourself that it’s OK to hit the guy back because he deserves it.

The logic of forgiveness is that it breaks the chain of evil begetting evil begetting vengeance. Sometimes, it breaks it radically, like St. Paul observed when he said by doing good to your enemies, you “heap burning coals on their head” and shame them. There are some people who will still go after you again even if you forgive them, so you have to protect yourself again and forgive again. But the people around you aren’t stupid. Eventually, they’ll recognize there’s a problem and they won’t tolerate it. They’ll say, “That guy is a bad guy, and it’s time for him to go.” If you seek vengeance, they may decide that both of you are a problem. But they’ll have great respect for you if you follow Paul’s advice: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil; be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all.”

- Fr. Robert Spitzer, S.J.